True but thats because hes a fetus.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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