at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
