I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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