yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
