ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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