so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
