I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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