her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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