Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dear god my vagina.
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