I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I deserve this hangover.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
