she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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