fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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