he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
