we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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