Don't make out with my wife yet
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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