Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
