If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize