I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
