Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize