I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
