Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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