If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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