how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
His nipple licking is glorious
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