Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
