I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
