90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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