Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
What a dumb baby whore.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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