I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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