Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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