I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
