i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
