Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
