I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
