I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
