woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
