my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
this hospital has no fireball
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
