I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
