if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I cannot find my penis.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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