So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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