Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
