cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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