Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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