I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Pants are for mortals
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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