My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
