He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
