I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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