Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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