PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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