So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
