i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
