God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
