so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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