She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
