im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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