By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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