dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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