The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
