I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize