I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
