He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
