Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
