I think I died a long time ago.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
