Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
