On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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