Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
