allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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