i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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