My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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