So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
