I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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