Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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