Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
